Here’s a thing about me that’s more than a little embarrassing; I have a sick, twisted love of bad reality TV – and it’s probably not the shows you’re thinking of. Yes, American Idol will somehow, some way have to soldier on without me (I quit watching after all my favorites were repeatedly the runner up – I still remember you, Bo Bice). I don’t watch America’s Got Talent or The X-Factor (they created One Direction and can’t be trusted). I find it hard not to grind my teeth on Tuesday nights when literally every one of my close girlfriends live-tweets The Bachelor. But find the right niche, and you can bet I will give it a shot.

Let’s explore, shall we?

  • Is some uncommon object being bought, sold, found, or restored – like on Pawn Stars, Auction Hunters, Counting Cars, American Restoration or – my favorite – American Pickers? TOTALLY IN.
  • Does it have to do with domesticity and nesting? I’m watching it. Enter Property Brothers, Buying and Selling, Love It or List It, House Hunters, Four Houses, and Extreme Makeover Home Edition (I know it’s been canceled. I watch the re-runs. Don’t judge).
  • Does it have to do with weird lifestyle quirks? Hoarders: Buried Alive, My 600-Pound Life, My Strange Addiction, Extreme Couponers, and Lottery Changed My Life are all things I’ve been known to willingly view when especially strapped for TV content, but would never tell anyone I actually enjoy.

Clearly, there’s a pattern here – and if you add in an element of competition, it’s on like Donkey Kong. I watch a fairly minimal amount of TV by American standards – maybe 15 hours a week total – and I can’t help but feel like I’m spending it wrong. If my geeky friends knew I had unwatched episodes of Sherlock and True Detective on my DVR, but decided to opt for a re-run of Say Yes to the Dress instead, they would hang their heads in shame. But I do have one redeeming TV show in the midst of all the fluff – Face Off.

No, they haven’t yet made that friendly tale of face-swapping featuring Nic Cage and John Travolta into a TV show (but how awesome would that be?) THIS Face Off follows a group of young special effects makeup artists as they apply prosthetics, sling paint, and create new creatures every week in their quest to break into the business. And when I say “makeup artist,” I don’t mean false eyelashes and facial contouring – I mean “turn that normal, 20-something looking dude into a Tree Wizard.”

Face Off, now in its 6th season on SyFy, is the best show on television. Well, okay – I might just be saying that because the departure of the 11th Doctor from Doctor Who has left a hole in my heart and clouded my judgment. But it’s certainly one of the most entertaining! Look at this:

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You might be saying to yourself, “Meh, looks like an Ent from Lord of the Rings.” Yeah, you’re right. It totally does. Except this time, it’s not CGI – one guy made it head-to-toe over the course of three days. ONE GUY. Look at these! They’re like Halloween costumes on crack.

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What!

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I don’t even…

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How?!

The contestants on this show aren’t just phoning it in and hoping everything works out – each of them is truly an artist. And what’s especially fantastic is that SyFy treats them like they are. This is the most drama-free reality show I’ve ever seen on TV – each artist is perfectly willing to help a fellow contestant put finishing touches on their sculpt or unlock their mold. I’ve never heard anyone say a disparaging word about anyone else. If anything, they’re likely to compliment someone else’s work and speak somewhat self-deprecatingly about their own.

Clearly, this show is the springboard for a whole bunch of Benicio del Toros in the making, and I’m just thrilled about it. I’ll be even more thrilled when my favorite contestant, Rashaad, gets his first win – and then ultimately wins the whole thing. Rashaad is consistently among the top looks of the week, and has yet to win a challenge, which is just ridiculous. Look at his work!

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He also looks way better in a blonde wig than I ever could.

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That’s really all I have to say this month, boys and girls – Just watch Face Off. You know you can’t resist Rashaad’s pout. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.